The holidays: that time of year when my heart feels like it’s going through a meat grinder. All the divisions get magnified and concentrated. It’s been this way since I was a child. If I was rich, I’d take an annual cruise from mid-November until after the New Year just to escape it all, and bring any family member with me who would want to go.
Every Thanksgiving and Christmas brings up feelings of dread, without fail. The only thing I ever really wanted, I never got. All I wanted was for my family to be together. MY FAMILY. The “just get over it” rhetoric never worked for me. Maybe it should have, but it didn’t because believe me, I tried. It was, however, very effective at getting me to shut up and ignore how I really felt. That’s not healthy at all.
I am not looking forward to these holidays. They are like a magnifying glass as to how dismembered and shattered my family is and always has been. It never stops hurting and the holidays make it worse.
If this makes you feel uncomfortable, then I’d ask you to look inside yourself and think about why that may be. Is there a child of divorce in your life that you’ve been overlooking? Does a child in your life who has to give up their unified home so that you can feel comfortable? Does a child in your life have to pretend that half of themselves does not exist so that you get to have the experience of being a parent? Is there a child in your life who acts like all is well, yet after reading my blog you have reason to believe otherwise? What incentives does the child in your life have to telling the truth about how things really are? If the child in your life was honest, and if that honesty rocked the world you created for yourself, would you get angry?