Here’s a tip for when people try to talk you into or out of something by saying, “I don’t know why you’re upset. It’s not a big deal.” Say to them, “OK, so since it’s not a big deal to you, then let’s do it my way, since it is a big deal to me.”
I discovered this tip not long after Dad and I got married. He liked my pillow better than his own, so kept taking it and giving me his. I’d take it back, then he’d take it again. He kept telling me that the pillows were the same. I finally realized that he didn’t really believe what he was saying. If he really believed they were the same, he wouldn’t be taking mine. So I told him, “Since they’re the same to you, then keep yours and stop taking mine, because they are not the same to me.” He stopped after that.
This is one reason why it is important to know yourself. I put up with the pillow-swap for a while since I was trying to be nice, didn’t want to rock the boat, and was completely used to keeping my mouth shut about issues that WERE a big deal to me. But when somebody says that something is “no big deal,” or, “they’re the same anyway,” when it IS a big deal to YOU, and they don’t seem the same to YOU, it is manipulative. Don’t fall for it.