Note to Fergie: sex makes us feel connected and that’s OK

Just a quick comment on Big Girls Don’t Cry, by Fergie. I have always liked the melody, and Fergie’s voice is so pretty, very sweet and endearing. I wish I could sing like her.

According to Wikipedia, the song is “about moving on from the pain of divorce.” This surprised me because her left hand is not wearing a wedding ring, and neither is her lover’s. There is no wedding or marriage imagery in either the lyrics or video. Another site indicated that it was about “the end of a relationship,” which was my impression and is more consistent with the contents of the lyrics and video.

The main thing I want to point out is how misleading the lyrics are. She’s pathologizing herself for feeling connected to her partner after sex… except this is what sex is supposed to do. We’re supposed to feel connected to our sex partners! She’s trying to get herself to not cry, but that’s not reasonable. By thinking these thoughts, she’s going against her own body. She thinks that something is wrong with her for feeling connected to a man she obviously cares for a great deal. It’s not wrong that she feels connected, since that’s what sex does. Her feeling connected to him is a sign that something has gone right with the sex act, not that something has gone wrong. The only thing that’s wrong is that she’s not married to this man. She’s put the cart before the horse then wondered why things seem backwards.

It’s good to feel connected after sex. That’s normal. Protect yourself, protect your heart, by only having sex with somebody you are married to. Don’t fall for the lie claiming that sex makes you independent. Sex does not make you independent. Sex connects us to people in more ways than one. That is its purpose. It’s the glue that puts families together.

Finally, there are a number of things I could comment on regarding the video, but I’ll just say one: there’s a bass on the set but it’s not being played in the video. That kinda bugs me. The bass drives the song forward in an unmistakable way. Somebody should be playing it in the video! 🙂

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Author: everybodysdaughter

I'm an adult child of divorce, having been raised in multiple divorce/remarriage situations. I'm writing in order to shed light on the problems of divorce from the perspective of the child. I will also discuss problems with other non-triad family structures, since there is a lot of overlap. People often think that better parenting skills will overcome problems in non-triad arrangements. While I agree that parenting skills are important, they cannot overcome the problems I discuss such as fractured ontology and perpetual liminality. I converted to the Catholic faith in 2012, and will discuss Catholic things from time to time as well.

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