I can’t wait until the Ph.Ds admit they were wrong about divorce and children

I can’t wait until the Ph.Ds admit they were wrong about divorce and children. I can’t wait until I no longer see blogs in my WordPress feed saying divorce won’t scar children for life. It is a lie, and it is malpractice to say it. The social science data is very clear about the long term impact and dramatically increased risk factors for those kids. Anybody who isn’t familiar with the data should not call themselves a therapist.

Furthermore, to promote the idea that fighting is the main contributor to post-divorce problems among children demonstrates a dramatic intellectual failure. “Structural issues” are always present and are largely independent of the parents’ behavior. This should be self-evident. My parents never fought but they did ignore each other, which meant they ignored half of me. It was extremely confusing and lonely to live that way.

I suspect that in their minds, they justify divorce on the grounds that they have the skills and knowledge to take care of any bad effects among the kids. It’s just a hunch–I have no evidence–but it fits what we know. If I’m right, then we know for certain that they are not ignorant about the data, and they really ARE lying to people about it.

See also:

The medical community is deliberately ignoring data about childhood trauma

Divorce is killing our children: a medical doctor speaks out




Author: everybodysdaughter

I'm an adult child of divorce, having been raised in multiple divorce/remarriage situations. I'm writing in order to shed light on the problems of divorce from the perspective of the child. I will also discuss problems with other non-triad family structures, since there is a lot of overlap. People often think that better parenting skills will overcome problems in non-triad arrangements. While I agree that parenting skills are important, they cannot overcome the problems I discuss such as fractured ontology and perpetual liminality. I converted to the Catholic faith in 2012, and will discuss Catholic things from time to time as well.

3 thoughts on “I can’t wait until the Ph.Ds admit they were wrong about divorce and children”

      1. I agree. I hate when people say “kids are resilient.” No, kids are just trying to play and survive and you the adult want them to be ok. A friend of ours in the midst of a divorce. He has two children in middle school– one with autism. We know him well and he is a many of good character. There are two central reasons for his divorce; one being that his wife was withholding sex from him for more than a couple of years (and he is a nice, attractive man…)– the other reason being that she is a severe hoarder who has let their lovely home go completely and does not cook or clean. On the outside she is very put together, an upstanding member of the community, but her home and life inside is a shambles. He could not get her to counseling and he tried for the past two years to get her to change. He had to do all the cleaning, cooking etc. on top of his work. So he has given up and is tying to get custody so that the kids can live in a clean environment. I think this will all be hard on the children, but at the same time, their life in that rat hole with parents who are no longer communicating is a problem as well. What a mess. I cannot find the answer, but we advised him that this should be the absolute last resort.


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