Further to my claim about divorce, remarriage, and child emotional torture…

I was reading about the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder two nights ago. Look this symptom that I found at the National Institute of Mental Health:

A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)

That sounds exactly the diagrams I created depicting what it is like to live with divorced parents in “two homes.” The child is forced to swing back and forth, between loving one parent and rejecting the other, then loving the other and rejecting the former.

mothers life after divorce

fathers life after divorce

This pattern goes on, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, starting at the time of the separation and never ending. I hope you are beginning to get a sense of how isolating this experience is.

I am stunned. I wonder how many people with Borderline Personality Disorder have divorced parents. I bet it is more than a few. What the hell is wrong with us? Why are we tolerating this?


Author: everybodysdaughter

I'm an adult child of divorce, having been raised in multiple divorce/remarriage situations. I'm writing in order to shed light on the problems of divorce from the perspective of the child. I will also discuss problems with other non-triad family structures, since there is a lot of overlap. People often think that better parenting skills will overcome problems in non-triad arrangements. While I agree that parenting skills are important, they cannot overcome the problems I discuss such as fractured ontology and perpetual liminality. I converted to the Catholic faith in 2012, and will discuss Catholic things from time to time as well.

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