Kids of divorce have no incentive to tell the truth

bs meterI came across the blog of somebody who is divorced and remarried. She has a son from the first marriage, and she asked him if he ever imagines him, her, and his dad all together again as a normal family. He said no, that he couldn’t imagine her married to anybody other than her new husband. My BS meter went off like a loud alarm. Here is what I wish I could have said:

Kids of divorce have no incentive to say what they may be really feeling. I mean this quite literally–NO incentive. The incentives are ALL on the other side, to say what they know the parent wants to hear. If your child is intelligent, then he can see the handwriting on the wall: that there is no use in saying what he really thinks, since there is zero hope of it ever happening and it may just upset you which triggers negative emotions in him.

The BS surrounding children and divorce/remarriage is so deep.

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Author: everybodysdaughter

I'm an adult child of divorce, having been raised in multiple divorce/remarriage situations. I'm writing in order to shed light on the problems of divorce from the perspective of the child. I will also discuss problems with other non-triad family structures, since there is a lot of overlap. People often think that better parenting skills will overcome problems in non-triad arrangements. While I agree that parenting skills are important, they cannot overcome the problems I discuss such as fractured ontology and perpetual liminality. I converted to the Catholic faith in 2012, and will discuss Catholic things from time to time as well.

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