Child of divorce testimonial: Anthem of the divorce kids

… You put on the facade of “it’s ok I get 2 Christmases and 2 bedrooms! And if you’re mad at one you can go to the other!” Ok cool but you don’t tell people that slowly but surely you feel abandonment or suffocated all the time or that you have to hear one parent trash talk the other and vice versa or that suddenly you can’t worry about math and kissing boys because all you’ve learned is how to try and block out the screaming and try and mediate.

You don’t tell people you’re constantly torn between two halves and always feel inadequate because you can’t make one happy without hurting the other. Or that you’re life is constantly being shuffled around like a possession caught in the divorce settlement. You don’t tell people that you have heard both your parents cry and tell you they wish they could do better or that you get guilty for getting angry or feeling anything that could burden them.

You don’t tell people that the holidays aren’t fun anymore because you’re constantly switching back and forth and all you can count on is being in the argument on whether dad can pick you up on Christmas Day at 11am or noon…

…Then you’re trying to have relationships and every time someone gets close you push them away before they can leave and break your heart. “I have to be sure, he’s gotta be THE one. We have to do this right” and suddenly you’re this control freak who compartmentalizes friends, work, relationships because that’s what you did with Mom and Dad and it’s the only way you know how to survive…

Read the whole thing here:

https://wabisabiautobiography.wordpress.com/2016/06/12/anthem-of-the-divorce-kids/

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Author: everybodysdaughter

I'm an adult child of divorce, having been raised in multiple divorce/remarriage situations. I'm writing in order to shed light on the problems of divorce from the perspective of the child. I will also discuss problems with other non-triad family structures, since there is a lot of overlap. People often think that better parenting skills will overcome problems in non-triad arrangements. While I agree that parenting skills are important, they cannot overcome the problems I discuss such as fractured ontology and perpetual liminality. I converted to the Catholic faith in 2012, and will discuss Catholic things from time to time as well.

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