Half time family, full time hurt

I’m not new to blogging or writing online, but I am new to WordPress. So far I like it a lot. It’s way better than Blogger, that’s for sure.

One of my favorite things to do is to read other blogs with tags I use, such as divorce. While reading a few of those blog posts earlier today, I came across two new phrases that I’d not seen before:

  • Half family
  • Half-time kids

I gotta admit that it really hurt to read those words. Seeing the idea out there, that our children’s lives are fractured and we are completely OK with it. It is 100% normalized. It’s totally OK to do and to talk about, like walking the dog or mowing the lawn. There is no shame at all in sending your own children away from you and your daily life… for half their  young lives… to be with a multitude of people you had no say in vetting (aka, step-parents, cohabiting partners, dating partners). It’s been that way for a long time, I know, yes, I know all too well. But just seeing the fracture packaged so clinically like that, without any trace of doubt, remorse, regret…

I wanted to leave a comment but couldn’t figure out a way to broach the subject nicely. I wanted to say something like, “Your kid’s probably in a lot of pain but can’t talk about it.”

But I couldn’t say it. I have no relationship with those people so why should they listen to me? And even if I did, it would be hard, very hard. My anger gets the better of me too often and I get impatient or caustic. I know need to be compassionate to the adults who are tearing their kids’ souls into two pieces. I tell myself that they don’t see it… but on the other hand I can easily find evidence that they know what they are doing is wrong. They know.

There are too many barriers to telling the truth.



Author: everybodysdaughter

I'm an adult child of divorce, having been raised in multiple divorce/remarriage situations. I'm writing in order to shed light on the problems of divorce from the perspective of the child. I will also discuss problems with other non-triad family structures, since there is a lot of overlap. People often think that better parenting skills will overcome problems in non-triad arrangements. While I agree that parenting skills are important, they cannot overcome the problems I discuss such as fractured ontology and perpetual liminality. I converted to the Catholic faith in 2012, and will discuss Catholic things from time to time as well.

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