HuffPo is right: divorce never ends

This video is great. Cindy tells a bit of her story surrounding her parents’divorce. A few things are notable:

  • She was 19 when they split up. This means she spent all of her childhood in an intact home. Yet, she considers herself a “product of divorce.” This speaks to the ontological issues that divorce creates.
  • She uses an analogy of the divorce being like breaking her pinkie and it not healing quite right. The “not healing quite right” is an important part of that. She says that she keeps moving on with life, and of course this is great. But consider the other side of that coin: we live in a culture that is 100% fine with fracturing parts of its children so that adults can have freedom. We focus so much on “you’ll be OK,” and “stay positive,” and so forth that we never stop to think: could we have prevented this fracture in the first place? It is as if we value the parents’ autonomy more than we do preventing our children from permanently feeling fractured on the inside.
  • “The ripple effects are always there.” Divorce never ends for the kids. Why? I believe it is because their very ontology, their very sense of being, has been permanently split. Cindy tells us about how she always has “to work through the crooked finger.” It never healed back to how it was before.

Divorce is not a one time shock from which children recover. It is a permanent disfigurement of the child’s family. As HuffPost Divorce says, “Marriages come and go, but divorce is forever.” I think they meant this a bit tongue in cheek, but for the kids it is spot on.


Author: everybodysdaughter

I'm an adult child of divorce, having been raised in multiple divorce/remarriage situations. I'm writing in order to shed light on the problems of divorce from the perspective of the child. I will also discuss problems with other non-triad family structures, since there is a lot of overlap. People often think that better parenting skills will overcome problems in non-triad arrangements. While I agree that parenting skills are important, they cannot overcome the problems I discuss such as fractured ontology and perpetual liminality. I converted to the Catholic faith in 2012, and will discuss Catholic things from time to time as well.

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