“Two homes” is ridiculous

Ridiculous: deserving derision or mockery. Absurd.

Making kids live in “two homes” is absurd. It deserves derision and mockery. Whenever I criticize “two homes” for kids of divorce, most of the time I will put it scare quotes. This is to communicate to the reader that I think it’s ridiculous.

If you don’t think making kids live in “two homes” is ridiculous, consider working through the following thought experiment.

Would you ever choose to live in two homes for an extended period of time…for example, one year? This is equivalent to your youngest child being 17 when you split with your spouse and living in two homes until age 18. How about ten years? This is equivalent to your youngest child being 8 when you split up and living in two homes until age 18.

Let’s say you want a divorce. You have children, and you own a home with your spouse. The judge tells you to locate an apartment within a one mile radius of the family home. He says that you each have to take turns living there. This arrangement allows your children to stay in the family home without having their daily lives constantly interrupted. It also ensures that you don’t have to deal with your spouse on a daily basis. One parent lives in the apartment while the other parent lives in the family home with the children. You switch back and forth like this with your ex, every week until your youngest child has finished high school. And let’s say your youngest child was 8 when you separated from your spouse. So that’s ten years of living in two homes.

Yea or nay?

That was one mile away. Now imagine living in two homes for ten years when the judge orders the apartment to be in:

  • a neighboring city.
  • a neighboring county.
  • a neighboring state.
  • across the country.

What do you think? Does the prospect of living in two homes sound appealing?

No? Well…. um… I’m sorry but you don’t have a choice. We’re going to do this whether you agree or not.

two homes

Look, I found a book to help. The lady who wrote it never had to live in two homes herself, but it has excellent reviews by lots of children who swear their parents loved it. Two homes, two bedrooms, two beds, two sets of sheets, two comforter sets, two pillows, two sets of towels, two toothbrushes, two sets of prescriptions, two Christmases, two birthdays… it’s double of everything! What’s not to love?

Don’t be sad. You’re resilient. You’ll turn out OK. You’ll get through it. Don’t you care about your child’s happiness? Maybe you should to go to  a shrink  for therapy and medication. That will help. And if it doesn’t, then I guess there really is something wrong with you.

[/thoughtexperiment]

See also: Thank you, adoptee community

 

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Author: everybodysdaughter

I'm an adult child of divorce, having been raised in multiple divorce/remarriage situations. I'm writing in order to shed light on the problems of divorce from the perspective of the child. I will also discuss problems with other non-triad family structures, since there is a lot of overlap. People often think that better parenting skills will overcome problems in non-triad arrangements. While I agree that parenting skills are important, they cannot overcome the problems I discuss such as fractured ontology and perpetual liminality. I converted to the Catholic faith in 2012, and will discuss Catholic things from time to time as well.

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