It is super frustrating when prominent conservative leaders and groups hold up the kids of gays to argue against gay marriage as another form of family breakdown, but completely and utterly ignore the kids of divorce. I could provide examples but I’m afraid to. I don’t want to alienate them. Plus I hope that someday they will realize, on their own, the logical gap they have in their arguments. Taken from the point of view of the child, gay marriage is more like divorce/remarriage than it is like marriage. Why can’t conservatives see this?
And just so I’m perfectly clear: I am not pitting the the kids of gays against the kids of divorce–Lord knows, both groups need all the allies they can get. Plus I am friends with a prominent person in the other group. But I must be honest about how I feel and the gap I see.
I won’t provide citations, but it will be easy enough for you to verify what I’m saying.
Look around at the prominent socially conservative groups (and leaders), those who have argued against gay marriage. Notice now much they have argued against divorce, how much they have drawn from the vast amount of social science literature regarding the children of divorce, and how many interviews they’ve done with the children of divorce. Compare this to their emphasis on the kids of gays. Decide for yourself if I’m right or not.
I think the gay marriage fight was largely a missed opportunity. Taken from the point of view of the child, there are unmistakable structural similarities between a gay marriage household and divorce/remarriage. Very few made this connection, and of those who did, none were among the loudest voices opposing gay marriage. Adultery has been redefined out of existence, and fornication is the presumptive activity among those who are dating. As long as that is the case, then excluding gays really does seem discriminatory. “Everybody else can sin sexually, but not gays. That’s were we draw the line.”
That’s just not going to work. And it didn’t work.