Divorce as immaturity

I am working on a theory that divorce is a manifestation of immaturity.

Divorce pushes a heavy burden down to the children. I’ve heard it said that:

Divorce is when parents cast of their crosses, and hand them to their children.

If the children live in “two homes,” this means that one or both parents thought the other one was too horrible to live with any longer… but not horrible enough to keep the children from going there. It sends a conflicting message: 

I’m leaving your other parent because I just can’t take them any longer, but you will still spend time with them. They’re OK for you but not for me. You will navigate their world alone, because you are obviously more mature than I am.

Remember this adorable little girl giving advice to her mother?

What is wrong with this picture? It’s NOT the girl who is wrong… think of the heavy burden she carries, trying to help her parents JUST BE FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER. For God’s sake! They were physically intimate and had a child together, and now they can’t even be friends? That is very wrong. And you know what? It’s not that they can’t be friends, is that they won’t be friends. Everybody around them is saying, “Well, as long as you’re happy…” This includes their doctors, psychologists, and religious leaders. Nobody is calling them out on their immature BS.

This little girl is not in a unique situation. Every day there are divorcing adults who refuse to even try to be friends with their child’s other parent, yet they send their child to go live there on a regular basis, and tacitly approve of new, unvetted strangers  (aka, step-parents) raising their own children. Why? Because people like you and me let them. We “don’t judge,” and we lie by saying, “The kids are OK if the adults are happy.”

Adults get to do whatever they want with their child’s family structure, and it amounts to forsaking their actual responsibilities. I see divorce, often, as immaturity, done in the name of freedom and propped up by the government.

I wonder if that little girl’s grandparents did the same thing to her parents when they were young. Somehow I doubt it.

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Author: everybodysdaughter

I'm an adult child of divorce, having been raised in multiple divorce/remarriage situations. I'm writing in order to shed light on the problems of divorce from the perspective of the child. I will also discuss problems with other non-triad family structures, since there is a lot of overlap. People often think that better parenting skills will overcome problems in non-triad arrangements. While I agree that parenting skills are important, they cannot overcome the problems I discuss such as fractured ontology and perpetual liminality. I converted to the Catholic faith in 2012, and will discuss Catholic things from time to time as well.

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